“I forgot to feed Kasey,” I tell Hubby as I start to pull the covers off myself. “I fed the cats and then got hit with a pain wallop and had to lay down.” He turns around and goes back down the hallway to feed poor bubba.

I’m sure you know what pain is if you’re reading this blog. In case you don’t know what a wallop is:

verb: wallop; 3rd person present: wallops; past tense: walloped; past participle: walloped; gerund or present participle: walloping
  1. 1.
    strike or hit (someone or something) very hard.
    “they walloped the back of his head with a stick”
    • heavily defeat (an opponent).
noun: wallop; plural noun: wallops
  1. 1.
    a heavy blow or punch.
    • North American
      a potent effect.
      “the script packs a wallop
  2. 2.
    alcoholic drink, especially beer.

I’m not British, and I’m allergic to hops – this is not beer I’m talking about, though I’d much prefer being hit with a bottle of beer over a pain wallop. I’m talking about a sudden severe pain that strikes so hard I’m immediately incapacitated. I can be managing just fine at a pain score of, say, 4/10, and then KABLAM!! I’ve gone from well enough to sink-bathe, dress, and feed myself, maybe even a little task here and there to having my ass laid the fuck out in the matter of half a second.

Pain scores explode, as do my tear ducts when the Sjogren’s hasn’t choked them dry, I make loud noises involuntarily, and all I can manage is to lay down, sometimes not even making it to a suitable piece of furniture. I’ve not yet had an urgent need to lay on the floor in public, but it sure as hell has happened in multiple homes.

Sometimes, it’s a slipped vertebrae or rib(s). Sometimes it’s a sudden migraine. Sometimes, it’s abdominal pain. Every once in a while, my heart throws an extra large fit, and it throws me down for a few hours. I would include my hip, knee or some other joint slipping, but to be honest, those just aren’t as painful. Yeah, they hurt like a motherfucker, but it’s typically something I can tolerate or manage without needing to be horizontal.

It happens a lot with my gut when I’ve been eating foods (dense proteins) I shouldn’t, and that’s most of what it was today. I ate nothing on the no-no list today or yesterday, but the simple act of eating triggers movement further down the line. When stuff is irritated from previous meals or if there’s something too dense for my system, it packs quite the punch every time it moves, and today was one of those pain wallop days. Most the time, I can lay down for an hour or so to alleviate some of the anti-gravity struggle or the compression from other organs, and then there’s an assplosion (if you can’t figure that one out, you don’t belong here) in the bathroom that relieves most the pain. Not always, though. Sometimes it takes a few days of recurring pain wallops and quite the bruise collection from dropping to my knees before I get the release.

Currently at a 6/10 pain score. Hubby’s finishing up cleaning the excess grout off our newly-tiled shower, and we’re hoping for a fire out back later with friends. We’ll see. If it gets any cooler, or if I can’t get that number any lower, I’ll remain the Blanketpillow Monster the rest of today and reestablish that hope tomorrow when it’s supposed to be sunny with a high of 76 (24C).